I Don't Fear Death For Me But Rather For You
by xSheepie
Summary: Chibs is on Juice-watch after his suicide attempt and there are feelings and cute first / After the events in 4.08 (Season 4, Family Recipe)
1. Sunshine Don't Mean Shit

It was late when Juice finally got home. It had been an emotionally ravaging day and he did his routine mindlessly; shoving the key into the lock, toeing off his boots, stripping out of his clothes. He felt drained, depleted, ashamed now his secret was out. When Chibs had found him, he had thought it was over, Chibs hated him. Despised him for his weakness- and Juice knew he would be right too. He was a coward for trying to kill himself but he had been in a corner and terrified of both of his options and- well it hardly mattered now. But then he had cradled him close and let him sob into his neck and maybe there was salvation to be had- but no. Roosevelt wouldn't stop, whoever was pulling _his_ strings was obviously oblivious to the misery he was causing.

Juice brushed his teeth viciously and spat, splattering toothpaste into the sink. He rinsed out his mouth and looked up into the mirror. He ran his fingertips over the purpling bruise over the left side of his neck and frowned at it. It would turn ugly before it started to fade, a reminder of his failure. Jax's words rang in his head: _Sons don't kill themselves._

Juice was tried-sad, the kind of weary that makes you think about cutting your own wrists, slipping into the sweet void, ending it all. It came from being too young, in a body that looked too old, from being alone too much, from being fucking _used_. He told Chibs he was fine. Was he? He still wanted to die but now- he wasn't sure. Juice shivered and shuffled off to bed, yanking the covers over his nerve-dead body hoping in vain a little warmth was all he needed to get the blood flowing again.

Just as sleep whispered on the edges of his conscious he heard the floor boards creak in the living room. Juice startled awake and reached for his gun on his side table instinctually. He clicked off the safety as he made his way to the doorway, eyes straining against the darkness. He carefully cracked it and was nearly bowled over as Chibs forced his way in.

"Wha-" Juice stammered as he put the safety back on hurriedly and turned to look at Chibs who was fully dressed and in his bedroom at nearly 3AM. He flipped on the lights.

"You're front door wasn't lock. You know that's dangerous, right?" Chibs growled, stalking towards Juice who felt vulnerable in his boxers and red crease marks from his pillow. He backed up and hit the wall, hands out and placating. He tried to keep the tears at bay but he felt them pricking at the back of his eyes, unwanted yet present.

"I forgot to I guess-"

"I think you did it on purpose. Hoping someone will break in here and do it." Chibs was too close, Juice was wearing too little and feeling too much. He edged out from under Chibs and sat on his bed looking smaller then he was normally. Pathetic. "Why are you here?" he whispered, crossing his arms, feeling the cold again.

Chibs was quiet a long time. "I promised I'd do anything to protect you from harm. That includes any you're intending to do to yourself." Juice looked up at him in stunned wonderment but Chibs interrupted his contemplation by shedding his jacket, shirt and jeans and climbing onto the bed. "Shift yourself." He muttered.

Juice moved over on the bed and laid down, Chibs next to him. He stayed still as a board, afraid to move in case he touched Chibs and he walked out or worse, _stayed_. He hesitantly turned off the bedside lamp and then held his breath, staring at the ceiling.

"Relax." He said gruffly and pulled the blankets over himself. Juice tried to do as instructed but just couldn't find it in himself to calm his pounding heart. Soon Chibs was snoring softly and the sound was comforting in the way the gun next his head was; it meant protection, safety, peace. Juice could get used to it, he thought fondly. His head lolled on his pillow to check the softly glowing numbers on his watch on the bedside table: _4:08_.

Juice turned to look at Chibs who had draped an arm over his ribs, his rough face, the product of alcohol and too much sun, softened in sleep. Juice's eyes were drawn to his soft, parted lips. Juice caught his breath, and gently moved closer to his face. Hesitantly he put his lips on Chibs's. He immediately drew back, checking to see if his brother had woken. Chibs, still soundly asleep, didn't move. Juice slowly did it again, confused by the lack of feeling.

This time Juice pressed more firmly and the pliable flesh moved under his and he jerkily fell back into his early position, body tingling with warning. He stared up into the ceiling, accessing what had just happened. Nothing. Juice was disappointed. Fireworks hadn't erupted, he hadn't been instantly cast out and forced to black out his tats. Nothing.

"Try me again when the suns up," Chibs murmured quietly and rolled away from him, not opening his eyes. Juice grinned in the darkness, ignoring the apprehensive feeling welling up in his stomach. Maybe tomorrow would be better.

He didn't get any sleep that night, plagued by wayward thoughts, but he thought it didn't really matter because Chibs was next to him and the familiar warmth was something he craved more then a couples hours of shuteye. Juice knew it was naive to think everything would be peachy-keen once the sun rose- he knew better than most sin didn't fade with the night- but at this point it was all he had to cling to. That and maybe Chibs.


	2. I Ain't No Damn Princess, I'm A Son

Juice had fallen into a daze sometime during the night, not to be confused with sleep. No, that would have been rejuvenating. Instead he felt like a goddamn zombie and Chibs was gone. No, no, fuck- The sink went on in the bathroom and Juice let out a breath he hadn't been aware he'd been holding. It must have been what had shaken him back to life, Chibs getting out of bed. He rubbed a rough hand down his face, wiping away eye crust and checking for drool. He was _not_ primping, just an effort to stop feeling so shitty. It didn't work.

Juice swung his legs out of bed and stretched out to his full length, hearing several pops in his back. He folded back in on himself and yanked on his sweatshirt just as the door to the bathroom opened. Chibs stood in the doorway, a towel around his waist, steam wafting out around his legs lazily. Juice was aware he was staring and quickly ducked his head, running a hand up the back of his head to scratch at his hair.

"I'll go uh… start coffee." He said and quickly escaped the room and Chibs darkening stare. He mechanically filled the filter with coffee grounds and water and hit the start button. He felt more then heard Chibs come up behind him and lay a hand on his shoulder.

Juice spun around and gave him a onceover. He was in jeans and a plain white t-shirt, not yet in his cut or plaid. His hair was wet and brushed back. He looked good. Juice on the other hand knew he had dark circles under his eyes, from the lack of sleep or the crying he wasn't sure. Paired with the still molted bruise he knew he looked like shit and he kept his eyes on his toes waiting for Chibs to move away and start the _last night was a mistake_ talk.

Chibs cupped Juice's face between his hands and touched their foreheads together. "Juicy boy," he murmured. Juices hands came up and he gently wrapped his fingers around Chibs forearms. "Look at me, lovey."

Juice looked up more out of surprise then anything, his face smoothing out from the grimace he'd made preparing to swallow rejection.

"You tried to kill yourself."

"I told you, that's done. I swear it-"

"And last night?"

Juice froze. Should he explain, brush it off, burst into tears? Before he could do any of that Chibs leaned in and kissed him. Softly at first, a soft brush of his lips to ask permission, still free to be pushed away if Juice had changed his mind.

Juice recovered quickly and kissed him back, scared it might be a goodbye not a hello. Electricity coursed out from where lips met and the SAMCRO brothers slid together, clinging to each other as if the world was ending. And if Chibs ever stopped touching Juice, the younger man thought it very well might.

They broke apart, panting more from the adrenaline then exertion. "You'll stay?" Juice asked, trembling with love and excitement. Juice leaned against Chibs, foreheads touching again.

Chibs whispered back, even that being too much noise for what was happening. "Every day, every second, until you don't need me."

"I'll always need you." Juice was certain of that, just as certain as he was that this was Chibs forgiving him- and committing something maybe.

"No, you won't. And then I'll stay because you want me too." Juice smiles, the most sincere thing he'd done in days, awash with relief. He leaned in and kissed Chibs again, trying to tell him everything he didn't think he could put words to.

"I love you, princess."

"I ain't no damn princess." Juice said scandalized, pulling back slightly to show his disapproval at the nickname.

"I know, lovey." Chibs murmured affectionately. "You're a son."

"Don't you forget it."


End file.
